Blogging

Me and Gene has just started off a little blog all the good food that both of us has tried in the past. I was really excited to start on this project with him. It keep the two of us connected despite our distance from each other. It known as Polar Bear and Shelly Go Om Nom Nom Nom.

It started off after the little trip up to Penang on my birthday. Although I have been faithfully uploading the post every now and then, but Gene tends to slack a bit. However, when he do write, it was really a piece of godo readings. I can hardly pair up to the writing skills that he has. Hrmm... Time to brush up my writing skills!

Still, I just love to write, and to express myself through the pen and papers. I find it hard to express myself, I need some time to think and putting my thoughts and emotions altogether. Otherwise, you can find me blabbering most of the time. Which is why, I rather keep myself quiet most of the time. Just so not to embarrass myself.

So yeap, I am managing two blogs now. Hopefully is not too bad to read!

A woman's career vs her family

I was traveling down to Singapore to visit Gene this week. On the same bus that I took, I overheard a woman talking to her child over the phone. It was an early morning, she left the house even before her child woke up. They only spoken briefly. The woman was telling her child to be good and listen to the grandma, asking the child to write nicely in his/her homework, telling the child to study well and that she will be back soon.

It was heartbreaking for me, I do not know why the mom left the child under the care of the grandparent. Maybe she need to do some visiting or going away to make a living, but nonetheless is heartbreaking not being able to be with your child. I am not only speaking from a perspective of a parent but also from the child point of view. I grew up in a family where my father constantly travel out of state. He is an engineer with projects all over the state of malaysia. It sucks not having him around and having a fatherly figure during most of my childhood.

Hence, I swear I will not find a husband who only works and neglects his role as the head of the family and a husband. I am family-orientated person, hence my views maybe bias. However, I stand strong on my views and still thinks that family triumphs the rest of the priorities in the world (except for God).

Skit Guys - God's Chisel

Just like him, I felt God's chisel on me today. It was painful and I was hurt. I even felt angry after. But then, a small voice whisper to me. Firmly, it told me to cool down and not to get angry. God knows that when I get angry, I tend to lose control of myself. And is very dangerous to lose control when I was driving on the highway. I thank God for His wisdom.

Hence, for the next 2 hours, I tried to cool myself down. I was critic and told that some of my colleagues doesn't like to collaborate with me. I was angry at first, knowing that these were lazy people and that I had perform my best. Just because I am doing my job and they got scolded for not doing theirs. Then I understood that I was comparing myself to them. Though I may seem to had tried my best, I had not done what God had asked me to do.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these

mark 12: 30,31

Thank you for the chisel oh mighty one!

Ambitions

I met an old friend for lunch today and we were sharing bout dreams and ambition. It seems to me that he had it all planned out. This is what he shared with me,

• 30 years old - stable job, multinational company experience, PR in overseas
• 40 years old- own a business of his own
• 50 years old- 1M (min) cash in the bank

Though it may or may not seems real or big of a ambition to some of you out there. However, the fact that he knows what he wants make me really jealous of him. I WISH I can be as sure of what I want the way he does for himself. Me on the other hand, is a lot more fickle minded when compared to him. I may seems like a very determine person to achieve what I said now, but few years down the road, I might not even have a slightest interest to do it any more.

Maybe I just can't be bother to be thinking much of what I really want. Simply because my plan is not necessary God's plan. I have hit my head on the stonewall several times for trying to be in control of the wheel. So I just want to enjoy what I have now and not make any regrets in the mean while =)

a doleful me

Allow me to first clarify and do excuse me for posting such an emo blog all of a sudden, perhaps the novel "One Day" by David Nicholls had something to do bout it...

It has been a while since I last blogged. Well, after spending so much time at work, I would rather goes straight to bed once I got home. Sometimes, I even feel like not showering and just dive underneath the blankets and snore away (it was just a thought, I still showers first). As for now, I just want to write and try to pen down my thoughts and feelings. Well, try.

Let's start with what I last written, the christmas blog. Yeah, I was alone throughout Xmas, Birthday and New Year. My family went for a vacation in Europe. Can you believe it, they went on to Europe without me? Sigh, as sour as it sounds, I was also glad to have some time alone. I don't have to travel down to Singapore and at the same time, I don't have to meet any one. Is not much of I don't want to see them at all, but some times I just need some time of my own. You know, just some quiet moment. I don't know much bout you guys out there, but I think personal time is quite important. Maybe just because I am a big loner? Oh well. I do have E to spend my birthday with though! Which leads to the second thing that I want to share about, my birthday.

My birthday was quite interesting and far from what I expect it to be, well from what I can recall now. E came up to KL the night before my birthday so that we can travel up to Penang together the next day. The drive was great and I was happy to be on a road trip with him again. We used to travel around NZ together so much. Though the scenery is bit different this time, but it definitely brings out the sweet memories that we shared before. Not to mention creating more of those sweet memories at the same time =) However, we did quarrel a before the nice dinner that he planned out for me. Quite an emotional roller coster ride. heh, that's us for you. I guess being with him for so long now, makes me realized that we will always have our differences. The key to a really good relationships is how we deal with our differences. Mind you, I am quite quick to anger and when I do blow up, is not such a pleasant scene. But E, on the other hand, is a lot more patient.

Moving on, the CNY. I only applied for 4 days off for this festive season. I suppose I can take more, but being the new kid in the office, I hold back a bit. I regretted it. Thinking back now, I spend so much time at work that I hardly able to catch up with my families and friends properly. I could blame it all on the workaholic genes, but I guess it also voice back down to how I manage my time. When I look at the rest of my friends, I do envy them for having such good pay and lesser working hours. What can I say, I chose this industry. On a bright side, I did had a good 4 days off with my family. We had reunion dinner with my big Aunty from dad's side. Then movie and karaoke session on 1st day of CNY with mom n dad. Second day of CNY was spend at grandpa house and also hanging out with my dear cousins. I guess, family is one of the things that we should be valuing above all else. But what do we so often found ourselves regretting over the wrong choices that we picked over it? Any one would like share their thoughts on this?

As for now, there is a change in management and I find myself working under two boss at the same time. With that, the work that comes in is doubled and I do find myself grasping for air some times. Should I quit? The 11 hours that I checked in every single day doesn't seems to be enough and I often finds myself piling more and more work every day. Sigh.

heading back to an empty home..

I heard it. It was not as loud as it suppose to be. Maybe is due the distance. I heard an explosion from a distance. Yes it must be. But is no surprise, because today is Christmas. There have been many fireworks going around since last night. I saw some on the way home last night too. Today, some where out there, people is celebrating with friends and family. But as for me, I was heading back to an empty home..

曾经你在黑暗中一直走，很辛苦，很疲惫，但一直告诉自己要坚持下去，不能服输，因为你是最最坚强的人。终有一天你走到尽头，发现了渴望已久的光亮...