The Break Up.

To all my readers (if there are any),

Be ready for a full blast of emo blog post coming up for the next say... months? Yes, I just broke up with a 5 years long bf. He spend an hour pet talk me into breaking up is for the best of two of us, had to give him credit for it you know. So why do we break up? Distance, mis-trust plays an important role in it. He is tired of the long distance, and is doubtful over our future, hence unable to give me the love I deserve and hence the break up. To top it up, I was also having trust issue with him. Then, minor arguments here and there. He called it off. Don't get him wrong, I was also giving him an ultimatum to either put in more effort in the relationship or call it off. Just that.. he choose to end it. So here I am,  ranting and mourning like a crazy woman who has just lost her husband.

Break up 101: lesson two

One of the worse thing to deal with after break up is that life will go on. Whether you like it or not.

How I wish time will stop here and wait for me to heal.

I hardly sleep last night. The emotions came rushing in and I'm tired now. I took off the ring that i had wore for nearly 5 years. It left a white mark on my tanned finger now. I will get nervous every time I couldn't feel it there any more. Then I had to remind myself that is because it shouldn't be there any more.

Days till the day I can finally stand up again? Unknown.

BF. Quick sands.

The truth is I've been having lots of problem with my bf lately. I know I hardly mentioned bout him here, but I believe some of you would have figured some of my previous blogs is bout him. we always seems like the perfect couple in every one's eyes. But some times, things does get tough between us. Lately, it had; and it had been like this for like four months.

Arguments and problems don't get resolves and with so many of our friends who had relationships for so long just broke up recently, our relationships had been strained. I'm lost, I don't know what can I do to make it better. I know I love him, but with him being so uncertain, I am starting to wonder is this man really worth it? I know, I have my insecurities, and I can really drive him crazy with it. Why can't it be like any other love story, when the girls feels insecure, the guy can reassure the girls that they can make it through, as long as they love each other. Sigh, why is his love seems so conditional and would only show in interest in me when I am there? I thought we are stable enough to go through the long distance. Is just another 2 more months before I move down. Why can't he wait a little longer? I never got used to not having him around, I still misses him, a whole lot. But seems like he moved on, with a life without me. I felt like I am the only one holding on, to a dying relationship. When I told him bout it, he says I think too much. But if you are making me feel so insecure for such a long time, is it really I think too much or is it you being very insensitive?

I thought we are working towards a common goal, marriage. But I really dont know and dont see how he was putting in efforts. Yes, when I am down, he spend time with me (occasionally sticks his  face to the phone), but when I am not there, I still need him. You can't just stop communicate with me at all. The distance is pressuring and to not hear from you daily or tell me your stories so that I can feel like I am part of your life, is just making every thing seems so much harder. I'm stuck in a quicksand, drowning fast and I couldn't see a rope or any thing that can pull me out of it.

5 years

Is 5 years a very long journey? long enough to keep you going despite all odds? I dont know. Personally, is not the time that determines the relationship should go on or not. Is the continuos efforts from both side that holds a relationship together.

What is a clap if there is only one hand? 

How can you fly with just one wing? 

What is a chopstick with only one stick?

How can you call it a relationship if only one person is in love?

卑微的爱情， 我不要。

Breaking point

I think I've come to a breaking point. Time to put an end?

Family gateway

My family came down to Malacca yesterday, we managed to get some dinner at the Portugis settlement. It was my first time there, despite working at Malacca for more than a year now. Hard to believe? Well, I've been out of the town from my very first off day. I haven got much time explore the town properly. MAYBE, just maybe, I would take a weekend off just to explore the town on my own. Like my little adventure. Any way, back to the seafood. It was a new dining experience and the food there was not that bad. But I wouldn't go back there for the food though, I would like to go for the view. Is located by the beach and I like to find out what is it like during the day.

The next day, I brought them to the Laksa place on Jonker Walk. Since grandpa asked for the "Shan Shu Gong''s Lao Po Biscuit", I thought it will be nice to try out that place again. Mom gave a pass to the place, and I'm glad they like it there =) As we were walking back to the car park, we walked pass this cafe that gives out a really good coffee aroma.

Dad says "who likes coffee? let me buy you" and i immediately said yes! This place has a very vintage touch to it. I would strongly recommends this place who comes for a visit! For pictures reference, go to my Facebook and have a look ya? So here's the end of our little family gateway. Hopefully we can have another one soon in May when my second brother comes back from the State. Till then =)

支持

是下决定的时候了，我好想知道你会不会支持我？你冷淡的回应，让我觉得我对你来说什么都不是。而且，是不会站在我这边。。。

Tea Time

I think I am having a growing fondness on tea time. Well, is not the fact that the tea is good, but tea time for myself. Time where I can think properly. It does not have to be quiet, but I just need to be alone. I like the fact that there is en empty chair in front of me. It gives me some space; Space of my own.

Today's tea time is at TCC, ION Orchad. Just me. Is a bliss =)

一对鞋

男生买了一对工作鞋给女孩。这鞋的品牌很不错，鞋底又很厚， 穿起来象站在软软的地毡上；对一个需要长时间站着的女生，可说是提她脚带来了很多舒适。女生很高心，男友好细心。每天上班都穿着它。可没想到，一个那么好的鞋却同一时间给女生带来了很多磨伤。最初，以为是新鞋，过了一阵子就会好了。可是， 日子一天天的过，女生的脚却一天天的继续磨伤。才过了几天罢了，她脚已伤痕累累了，痛的她连其他鞋子也穿不了。

其实感情可象这对鞋。就算它又多好，多舒适，若不适合自己的脚，还给带来了那么多伤痛；那就不要继续下去了。要不然，受伤的也不就是自己。

电视与小狗

今天回了久家一趟。可我没提戴手机，把它留在家里充电。在一个没有手机和时间概念的期间， 我觉得时间好像为我而停留着。整个世界好像唯有我，小狗和在播放音乐的电视台而已。 心情特别舒服。

人情味

昨天刚买了一本书。”放下过去，不等於放弃自我”。 里面写了好多很有意识的小故事。在每个小故事里，我都能学会一些人生道理，让我觉得自己好像多了些人情味。

其中让自己明白到自己有多么的掘强和没自心， 次次都把他弄的很失若。希望，先在还不算迟。。