勇敢

若不全心全意的去爱一个人，因怕受到伤害而保留;那对不起自己的人，其实也不就是自己。

今晚我找到我的勇气去 全心全意的爱一个人，你呢？

Serenity

I enjoy the company of close friends and family.

But, some times, I also need a little bit of my own time to enjoy life as it is. 

Ticking biological clock

Dear God,

If you don't want me to settle down yet, can you not show me so many scenes of loving family with cute little darling baby?

Love,
Ginny

分手快乐

到了分开那天，我真的能放开你的手吗？

Life apart.

Maybe is because we both came from different world...

my two baby brother.

I think I am getting older. No, seriously I am.
I start to miss my family more and more. Or maybe I am just homesick. I miss being around with people that I love, family and friends. Now is my two younger brother..

Just like any other (most) siblings, I used to fight with my two little brother, a lot. It was a love and hate relationship back then. I always thought of them as two little devil sent from hell to ruin my life. Now I can't wait to spend time with them. Two of my brother is overseas now. With the time differences, and distance, its getting harder to reach each other.

I miss them, I really do. How I wish we can turn back the time where we still play together by the beach and run around chasing each other, driving each other insane whenever we can.

Am I living life to the fullest?

I say what i like, I do what i like.
At the end of the day, I only got God and myself to answer to.
After all, we only live once right,
why let others determine what you say or do?

矛盾的我

小时候，看着港剧里的主角为了自己的事业而放弃爱情，会很想痛骂他们一顿。因为那时的我，会觉得这世界上， 没有东西可比的上爱情。

长大后的我，却慢慢的了解。做这决定并不容易。真因为自己也陷入到这种情形中而觉得很困扰。。。

Olympic

Olympic. Honestly, I am not a sports person. However, I do understand the spirit of sports. Is there really a need to cheat at the competitions? Even when one player clearly won the game, yet, they can still deny her. This is utterly disrespect to the years of efforts she had put into. Where is the spirit? Winning or losing was never the reason the Olympic was first started with. Is the whole process that counts, right? The gold medal may have brought you fame and wealth, but I think you are doesn't deserves it. So why not have a little bit of honor and stop making a fool of yourself by giving her back what she deserves.

He had to let her go.

They had been friends for the longest time. She was the brightest girl in her class, beautiful and graceful. Wise in her words and never fail to give a helping hand to any one who ask for it. Smart and with a good sense of humor to pair with his charming characteristic, he is a guy who loves to party his heart out.

They came from the same town, but only to meet when they went to the same university. Small world, you can say. when they first knew each other, both swore that, never will they consider the other as potential life partners. Mainly, due to childish reason i would say. So they remain as close friends.

Years moves on, both had gone through their journey with different people. Some were nice and friendly, some were mean and a pain their their ass. But both went on with their life any way.

Then it hit him that she is the one, so he went to her. but now is too late. For she is now pursued by anther young man who desires her, treasure her and loves her more than anything else in this world. The young man proposed, and she said yes.

Reluctantly, he let her go. Along with a piece of his heart tore out, like a beast tore the flesh of its prey, out from his wounded heart. He had to, because he loves her too much.

Only God knows how and when.

She needs to go home and pack, her flights is due in 3 hours time. He was lying there, helplessly on the hospital bed. Unwilling to let her go, his precious princess. It seems like yesterday that she took her first step. Here she is now, all grown up, into a fine lady. All ready to spread her wings into the big big world out there.

His illness had started a long time back, and it had deteriorate over the years. With the doctors hand held tight, there isn't much left that they can do. Only God knows how and when. But yet, the family hopes and pray for the best.

"Daddy, I need to go now" she said, breaking his thoughts. He was holding her hand, tightly. Tears slowly well up in his eyes, so were hers. "You will see her again soon", the mother said. Slowly, unwillingly he let her hand go. Looking at her as though this is going to be the last time that they are going to see each other. It was. 

The undesirable and yet desirable coffee shop at the corner

There is this coffee shop near the hostel I staying at. They serve the worse coffee that I ever tasted, serious. But, they are also selling the best French toast that I ever had, well for a very long time.

The thing is I wouldn't, usually, come back this often for French toast alone. But some how, this coffee shop seems to work like a magnet to me. Maybe is the ambience. It had a classic coffee shop design, furnished with dark color, wooden chair and table. The floor is, however, covered with modern wood like tiles. The place is slightly lided with a old, bronze hanging lamp like you see in a sixties movie. Most of the light came from the sun, through the transparent glass wall. The other parts of the wall is cover with old certificates framed in very old frames. Then they have a baby chair made from rotan sitting underneath all those frames. Sounds like a good spot for picture? I think so.

Most of the customer of this coffee shop, are at their golden age. The rest are mostly in their early forties. I guess this is one of the reason I like it here. Not much of the fact that I can the youngest of course. Is that I don't really like noisy places. I prefer quiet and less crowded people. Where I can enjoy a good cup of coffee (in this case, French toast), without the need to risk my ear drums being exploded by the noisy surroundings. And if I want to bring my friend here, I wouldn't have to scream my lungs out during our conversation.

With the sun is out, and gentle breezes from the ceiling fan, I think this is a great place to start your day before a hectic day at work. I wouldn't name this place, but I am willing to bring you here if you are keen or curious :-)

Growing up in the arms of a emotional abuser

You have wrong me. I cried and felt angry for a while. Thinking to myself, what have I done to deserve such treatment from you. Then I thought, and thought of all kinds of harsh response the next time you try to reach out to me. I know my words have the power to hurt, if I want to.

Then I realized, you are not worth the effort. Unlike you, for someone as smart and successful as you are, you are also the person with the lowest EQ I have ever met.

I am much better at controlimg myself and not allowing my embarrassment be turned into anger. If I am wrong, I accept it. I may not accept it in a most honorable way, but I still accept it and hope to change for better. I will not deny and acted in a way the way you reacted.

I can only pray that someday, you would reliased what you have done. I pray for this day to come sooner, before you start turning all those who truly loves you away. I sincerely wish you the best.

I fell in love with a sweet talker. and I'm loving it.

Our Daily conversation:

me

agree

hrmm

now is to get my picture taken for the other application

11:50

somewhere.in.oregon@gmail.com

Hee

Yup.

you no more passport

Photos?

me

nope

or rather they are quite ugly 

somewhere.in.oregon@gmail.com

Muacks

My darling take the picture where got ugly one...

me

woah

so sweet ah

melts

somewhere.in.oregon@gmail.com

Muacks

11:53

 

Birthday dates

Although is good that Facebook can remind us of all the 9,999 friends birthday dates that our little brain cannot hold together, but I also find this features a bit hypocrite. What happen to the good old traditional thinking where good friends remembers your birthday? Just because you got so many birthday wishes on Facebook, does that counts into your popularity or is it because Facebook says is your birthday and hence other people wishes you. Are the wishes given sincerely because they remember or is it simply because Facebook told them so? I didn't put my birthday date on Facebook. The main reason is to see how many true friends out there who can remembers my birthday and secondly is for privacy purpose.

Facebook is not the only thing we can rely on for birthdays date. We have diaries and calendars to mark them down, with the technologies nowadays, we can get instant reminders on our phones. Then there is something call a phone. We can always pick up the phones and give our friends a call. If the friends mean so much to you, I think they deserves the call despite being so far away. Is only once in a year after all and wishing them on Faebook sounds quite cheap to me. Even a text sounds so much better than sending them a birthday wish on Facebook. Is like telling them, they are not worth your time and money.

Sounds a bit harsh? maybe, I just thought that friends deserves more than a Facebook birthday wish...

The irony of life

At the very same date, the very same hour, the very same minute and the very same second, there were two group of people gathered together for 2 different reasons.

One group of people were celebrating the engagement of a new couple. The other group is gathering to mourn over the death of a beloved brother.

The irony of life is this, no matter how bad life turns out to be, some where out there, there is some one else celebrating life as it is.

So should we view life as though it sucks the laughter and joy out of us or should we embrace it because life as we know it, is too short to be wasted.

The irony of life. Why is it so hard to be accepted?

Blogging

Me and Gene has just started off a little blog all the good food that both of us has tried in the past. I was really excited to start on this project with him. It keep the two of us connected despite our distance from each other. It known as Polar Bear and Shelly Go Om Nom Nom Nom.

It started off after the little trip up to Penang on my birthday. Although I have been faithfully uploading the post every now and then, but Gene tends to slack a bit. However, when he do write, it was really a piece of godo readings. I can hardly pair up to the writing skills that he has. Hrmm... Time to brush up my writing skills!

Still, I just love to write, and to express myself through the pen and papers. I find it hard to express myself, I need some time to think and putting my thoughts and emotions altogether. Otherwise, you can find me blabbering most of the time. Which is why, I rather keep myself quiet most of the time. Just so not to embarrass myself.

So yeap, I am managing two blogs now. Hopefully is not too bad to read!

A woman's career vs her family

I was traveling down to Singapore to visit Gene this week. On the same bus that I took, I overheard a woman talking to her child over the phone. It was an early morning, she left the house even before her child woke up. They only spoken briefly. The woman was telling her child to be good and listen to the grandma, asking the child to write nicely in his/her homework, telling the child to study well and that she will be back soon.

It was heartbreaking for me, I do not know why the mom left the child under the care of the grandparent. Maybe she need to do some visiting or going away to make a living, but nonetheless is heartbreaking not being able to be with your child. I am not only speaking from a perspective of a parent but also from the child point of view. I grew up in a family where my father constantly travel out of state. He is an engineer with projects all over the state of malaysia. It sucks not having him around and having a fatherly figure during most of my childhood.

Hence, I swear I will not find a husband who only works and neglects his role as the head of the family and a husband. I am family-orientated person, hence my views maybe bias. However, I stand strong on my views and still thinks that family triumphs the rest of the priorities in the world (except for God).

Skit Guys - God's Chisel

Just like him, I felt God's chisel on me today. It was painful and I was hurt. I even felt angry after. But then, a small voice whisper to me. Firmly, it told me to cool down and not to get angry. God knows that when I get angry, I tend to lose control of myself. And is very dangerous to lose control when I was driving on the highway. I thank God for His wisdom.

Hence, for the next 2 hours, I tried to cool myself down. I was critic and told that some of my colleagues doesn't like to collaborate with me. I was angry at first, knowing that these were lazy people and that I had perform my best. Just because I am doing my job and they got scolded for not doing theirs. Then I understood that I was comparing myself to them. Though I may seem to had tried my best, I had not done what God had asked me to do.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’There is no commandment greater than these

mark 12: 30,31

Thank you for the chisel oh mighty one!

Ambitions

I met an old friend for lunch today and we were sharing bout dreams and ambition. It seems to me that he had it all planned out. This is what he shared with me,

• 30 years old - stable job, multinational company experience, PR in overseas
• 40 years old- own a business of his own
• 50 years old- 1M (min) cash in the bank

Though it may or may not seems real or big of a ambition to some of you out there. However, the fact that he knows what he wants make me really jealous of him. I WISH I can be as sure of what I want the way he does for himself. Me on the other hand, is a lot more fickle minded when compared to him. I may seems like a very determine person to achieve what I said now, but few years down the road, I might not even have a slightest interest to do it any more.

Maybe I just can't be bother to be thinking much of what I really want. Simply because my plan is not necessary God's plan. I have hit my head on the stonewall several times for trying to be in control of the wheel. So I just want to enjoy what I have now and not make any regrets in the mean while =)

a doleful me

Allow me to first clarify and do excuse me for posting such an emo blog all of a sudden, perhaps the novel "One Day" by David Nicholls had something to do bout it...

It has been a while since I last blogged. Well, after spending so much time at work, I would rather goes straight to bed once I got home. Sometimes, I even feel like not showering and just dive underneath the blankets and snore away (it was just a thought, I still showers first). As for now, I just want to write and try to pen down my thoughts and feelings. Well, try.

Let's start with what I last written, the christmas blog. Yeah, I was alone throughout Xmas, Birthday and New Year. My family went for a vacation in Europe. Can you believe it, they went on to Europe without me? Sigh, as sour as it sounds, I was also glad to have some time alone. I don't have to travel down to Singapore and at the same time, I don't have to meet any one. Is not much of I don't want to see them at all, but some times I just need some time of my own. You know, just some quiet moment. I don't know much bout you guys out there, but I think personal time is quite important. Maybe just because I am a big loner? Oh well. I do have E to spend my birthday with though! Which leads to the second thing that I want to share about, my birthday.

My birthday was quite interesting and far from what I expect it to be, well from what I can recall now. E came up to KL the night before my birthday so that we can travel up to Penang together the next day. The drive was great and I was happy to be on a road trip with him again. We used to travel around NZ together so much. Though the scenery is bit different this time, but it definitely brings out the sweet memories that we shared before. Not to mention creating more of those sweet memories at the same time =) However, we did quarrel a before the nice dinner that he planned out for me. Quite an emotional roller coster ride. heh, that's us for you. I guess being with him for so long now, makes me realized that we will always have our differences. The key to a really good relationships is how we deal with our differences. Mind you, I am quite quick to anger and when I do blow up, is not such a pleasant scene. But E, on the other hand, is a lot more patient.

Moving on, the CNY. I only applied for 4 days off for this festive season. I suppose I can take more, but being the new kid in the office, I hold back a bit. I regretted it. Thinking back now, I spend so much time at work that I hardly able to catch up with my families and friends properly. I could blame it all on the workaholic genes, but I guess it also voice back down to how I manage my time. When I look at the rest of my friends, I do envy them for having such good pay and lesser working hours. What can I say, I chose this industry. On a bright side, I did had a good 4 days off with my family. We had reunion dinner with my big Aunty from dad's side. Then movie and karaoke session on 1st day of CNY with mom n dad. Second day of CNY was spend at grandpa house and also hanging out with my dear cousins. I guess, family is one of the things that we should be valuing above all else. But what do we so often found ourselves regretting over the wrong choices that we picked over it? Any one would like share their thoughts on this?

As for now, there is a change in management and I find myself working under two boss at the same time. With that, the work that comes in is doubled and I do find myself grasping for air some times. Should I quit? The 11 hours that I checked in every single day doesn't seems to be enough and I often finds myself piling more and more work every day. Sigh.