heading back to an empty home..

I heard it. It was not as loud as it suppose to be. Maybe is due the distance. I heard an explosion from a distance. Yes it must be. But is no surprise, because today is Christmas. There have been many fireworks going around since last night. I saw some on the way home last night too. Today, some where out there, people is celebrating with friends and family. But as for me, I was heading back to an empty home..

曾经你在黑暗中一直走，很辛苦，很疲惫，但一直告诉自己要坚持下去，不能服输，因为你是最最坚强的人。终有一天你走到尽头，发现了渴望已久的光亮...

4th Year Anniversay

Today is our 4th year anniversary, but it is also the first year that we can't celebrate it together. Is kinda sad, but thank you for the 4 years of wonderful memories.

Loving you to bits xoxo

life

I know what I want in my life. Is not money, is not a fancy house, is not a 5 figure salary, is not being famous and is not bout how well I am doing in my career.

I want my life be filled with love, catching up with my dear friends, making them feel like I treasure them, love and be loved by them. I want a happy family, I want to raise my kids by picking them up from school, be there when they cry or laugh, read them bedtime stories and finally teach them that life is meaningless even if you have much money in the banks. Of course, I would need a husband, not just any random guy. Because he would be the father of my child, and he would spend time with our kids and not just dive into his work all day long and act as though he is not a husband or father. Any one can be a father, but it takes someone special to be some one's else dad. (quote from a friend). I also want a dog, man's best friend. Because they are special, and they too would make you feel special. When I feel special, I want every one around me to feel that they are special too.

That's what I want in my life. What do you really want for your life?

My short break starts now.

Is finally my turn to have a break. YAY! Been working for all the public holidays all these while and I am thankful to be able to take them all at once. I was scheduled to fly on the 16th late evening, and I only made it back to KL from Melacca on the same day, mid-afternoon. Then went out and took my dog to the vet before heading home at 7pm to pack my bags. I barely able to make it to check in at the airport. Heh, talk bout being rush. I never really allowed myself to be in such a packed schedule before, especially not on the day I am flying off. Well, there is always a first time right?

I am at Chch atm, waiting for my flight to dunners. Thankfully, I brought 2 electronic devices with me that can allow me to go online for free~~ for 1 full hour =) As for this time, is the first time I am back to NZ, for a holiday. And this time, I do not have to dread having the semester starts so soon and put on a study mood again. This time, I will fully enjoy NZ as it is =)

As for a little news about me. I picked up my reading habit again and the worse thing is that I can't stop. I forgot how much I enjoy reading. All these years of assignments and lecture note revision has took me away from my faithful friends. I forgot how good it feels to let my imagination runs wild. To put all those tiny details, background and character description that the writer had put together, onto my own little picture in my mind. Is like putting the puzzles together. You know? =p

the 30 min free Wifi is coming to an end soon, I shall stop here for now. Till then, take care =)

The Broken Bowl

The Broken Bowl

For Characters reference please refer to this post

Caught Red Handed

Caught Red Handed

For characters reference please refer to this post

Stickman Comic based on real life story

I am making a stickman comic strip of my own.

stay tune =)

I know I haven been consistent with my blog post for a very long time. Is not that I don't have time for it at all, is just that I often find myself lost of words and hard to pen down my emotions. As for now, I just have this sudden urge to write, hence, here I am.

I have been bombarded with many life problems recently. I can't name them all here, some are just too private to be shared (so please excuse me on that). There were so many of them that it nearly suffocated me and I am not joking. There were nights that I wish I could run away or just kill myself just so that I don't have to face them. But running away is never the solution, so I stayed and tried to face them all. With that, things doesn't seems as bad as it first started. They are all still here, but at least I managed to walk through some of them.

When it all happened, I thought it might affect my performance at work, but I managed to separate them and focus on the task given to me, somehow. So I'm glad. But I did it without realizing that God were actually with me all these while, and with this, I want to give Him thanks.

"..for when I am weak, I am strong."

2 Corinthians 12:10

If only I can see the world through its eyes...

...I may be a better person.

Forgiveness.Grace.Mercy

I've been struggling hard with forgiving nowadays. Then God responded with this...

"Extend mercy and grace. Justice demands that we pronounce him guilty, dismiss him from further consideration, and move on. But Mercy requires that we refuse to condemn him. Even more astonishing, Grace insists that we extend to him what he does not deserve: hope, patience, and love. Though he doesn’t deserve this, he needs all of it. Without mercy and grace we are all lost."by Michael Hyett

Bas.tard

just when I thought you might really have changed to a better person, you screwed it up again...

S***w you and stop messing with my life you selfish jerk

I am a working woman

After 2 months of bumming around, I finally started working. At the moment, is still a probation, so hopefully every thing would go well =) Just FYI, I am working Melecca, staying in a hostel with my boss (yes, my boss @.@). The company is a restaurant, and I am hired as a.... hrmm.. I am not sure too. haha. But I'll tell you what I do here. Analyze and amend the operation management of the restaurant, set up a proper HR system and also provide marketing strategy for the restaurant. They asked me to come out with a name for my position =D I am not required to serve the customer and my work table is some table at the corner of the restaurant. Luckily, they have Wifi there. So I am easily approachable, if I am not walking around the restaurant to see how things are going. Melacca is their main branch, the second one is in Seremban and the third one is coming up in Rawang. So basically, I need to run about within these three places. Only God can tell how I am going to make it through all these. But I TRUST that He will keep an eye on me for that =)

when love blossoms...

when love blossoms, nothing can stand on its way =)

floats

I am now officially a floater! Well not because I changes jobs (wish I have one to begin with) or changes residence frequently (I am still staying in my parent's home). Is just that I felt like I am floating around and not doing much. heh.

Honestly, I do felt like I am spoiled by so many choices ahead of me, I can go back to KL (or maybe Singapore) to look for jobs and come back for a P.R. later, when I am more ready. Or I can just stay here until I find a decent job and apply for a P.R. soon. Hrmm... Honestly, I can't decide.

I've send in a few application and gotten my first rejection (which I seriously doubt that they really did read through my C.V.). Oh well, I am okay with it, it is never easy to find the job that you really like any way, what's more this is only the first application. So, I do thank God for not letting the rejection to diminish my spirit and my enthusiasm in continuing my search. But I really do hope that I can get something soon. So, do pray for me! =)

Mean while, here's a small glimpse of my life lately...

Fondue at home. I must say that this is one of the best buy I ever made xD

(cause it only cost me $10)

dessert with mom at The Swell, St Clair

my life would be empty without them, COFFEE =)

my latest masterpiece, fruit tart.

I am looking for another recipe to challenge myself to now, so stay tune!

Chocolate mud cake at Speight with some really good friends.

one of the best night I ever had so far this year =)

A new stage of life

Woo hoo! I've just finished my last university paper for the rest of my life. Now I can finally get my ass out of the comfort nest that my parent has build, and face the big big world out there. Time to spread my wings and show the world that Ginny is here to rock them all.

Heart warming

I was browsing through "stumbleupon" and came across with this blog. My heart melts and tears were shed after I read this (=T.T=)

I'm not too sure how to share it via the blog, and I can't exactly copy the words to another window either. So I've put them into picture file below.

The original website is as follow, http://spabettie.com/2011/06/04/a-feel-good-story

Don't come and tell me what to do.

Don't come and tell me what I had done wrong when you did the exactly same thing before.

Don't come and tell me to be a better Christian when you are only using Christ to justify your sin.

Don't come and tell me not to be hateful Christian when you hated my boyfriend.

Don't come and tell me not to be a hypocrite when you behave differently in front of me and in front of others.

Don't come and tell me what to do.

blue skies

On a sunny day, you can always find me staring into those deep blue skies. The limitless width of the skies always give me a sense of peace, is as though it is telling me to cheer up. Telling me that every things is going to be alright. So just smile for it =)

hurtful and hateful

Can any one tell me the difference between hurtful and hateful? There is a fine line between these two terms, but nevertheless, they still have very different meaning.

Hurtful is when some one is hurt either physically or emotionally. When you do something or say something that may make another person uncomfortable, angry, despair and painful, you are being hurtful.

Hateful, on the other end, is a lot more extreme. Unlike hurtful, hateful can be demonstrated via anger or actions that can lead to potential damage that one can never be able to forgive. One also cannot be hateful before first experiencing hurtful. After a series of hurtful events, may I say that, it can lead to hatred? Hence, becoming hateful?

My understanding on this two term is very different, but then again, I might be wrong. Let me know what do you think.

But one thing for sure is that being hurtful or hateful begins with hurt. No one will ever choose to be hurtful or hateful without a reason. After all, God made us to love one another. I believe that before all this negative events arises, there is love. What causes love to be overwhelmed by such darkness? Was it that series of hurtful events? And where does the love goes once the person becomes such hurtful or hateful people?

drained.

Management is fun, but is really draining at the same time. I rarely eat or even stay at home, commerce building has become my second home. On top of that, I see my team mates more than I see my brother nowadays. Sigh. By the end of the day, I just don't feel like doing any thing and stare at the wall blankly for as long as I can. 2 more weeks, just 2 more. Lord, I need you...

blessed abundantly

I've grown stronger, not on my own, but with help from God =) It was Easter weekend and I had an amazing quality time with God. Although two days sounded short, but I was blessed in a way more than I can ever imagine. I too realized that it is important that we need to have the right heart to seek God and to rely on Him for every decision that you make.

Before the weekend comes, I was stuck in a dilemma. I wasn't sure if I should go to easter camp or not. Honestly, I knew where my heart stands. Is just that I don't have the courage to say it. yeah, I am weak and is pretty hard for me to say "NO" to others. I wanted to go away, to experience God. But I want to do something different this year too, somewhere I could really be alone with God. So, I decided not to go camp. Simply because is pointless to go for a camp that I know my heart would be somewhere else. Hence, it was just me and God.

Later the week, a few other people heard bout my plans and wanted to tag along too. I was alright with that idea, since is going to be a small group. But more and more people heard about it, and I was worried that they will choose the trip over the camp. Hence, I prayed. I pray that they wouldn't come if He doesn't want them too. Even if is just me alone, I am happy. A few people did pull out, and only one person was left with me, D. I'm glad =)

We were abundantly blessed in this trip. Firstly, we narrowly escape an accident (which I blame myself for) that could have seriously taken our lives away. Forgive me D, if you are reading this. That was really reckless of me. More details will be shared if you come and talk to me. Secondly, although the weather forecast did not seem so encouraging at first, but we had lots of sun on our way to Lake Tekapo. So much so that, we can walk around in shorts and sleeveless top. Thirdly, as we stopped by Lake Pukaki for our lunch, we came across with the vintage Zodiac road show! OMG! *hyperventilating* I love vintage cars and to see them on the road and able to take so many pictures with them before they leave (it was only a 20 min gathering), totally makes my day.

Before night falls, I prayed for a good weather to see the stars in Lake Tekapo. I heard God whispering in my ears that He promises the stars, but I need to have faith in Him. When the sun sets, I look up to the sky and saw those shinning stars, that He had quietly promised me before. I was totally speechless and dumbfounded.

3 months and counting

St Bathans

St Bathans

E's farewell

E's farewell

E's farewell

E has left Dunedin for a bout a week by now. The first night was tough and I cried myself to sleep. I know I took it pretty hard on myself, but I just cant help it. After all these years of having him so close to me, is really not easy to see him leave. What's more, this town is where we met and fall for each other. Sometimes I do wonder, if God permits, I would like to hold our wedding here too =) As for now, things are getting better and found myself lost in the extra, free time...

Last Friday, we went to this place call Saint Bathans (shown in the pictures above). Is about 3 hours drive north from Dunedin, pass by En Hakore and Middlemarch. The scenery is breath taking and I'm glad to be there with him. I hold a surprise farewell for him last Saturday too, but it some what failed. One of the girl I invited told him this, "I am not sure if is a surprise, but I cannot come to your farewell". LOL, I did put a note there not to tell him though. Maybe I should put it at the beginning of the description and bold it next time. So it turns out that he knew about the surprise the same time that others do, but thankfully, she did not reveal the date. It was a themed farewell too! Thanks to D and F, we came out with this awesome theme: "E's Style" [which consists of sunnies, hoodie, bog short and slippers] hehe.

I think God has been really kind to me. Knowing that E's leaving will have a big impact for me, He let me adapt to it slowly. How? The four day road trip that E took with his friend (a glimpse of LDR), then come back to Dunedin for a few days (where we went to St Bathans and hold a little farewell for him) then take off again to another road trip for a week (still within the same time zone) before flying back to S'pore for good. You see the change of period here? From four days to one week and now 3 months (I've decided to go back home in July), all these slow changes have allowed me to adapt to it slowly. So I'm pretty sure God will help me/us make it through LDR too =)

ps: BIG HUG to those who has sent me many thoughtful messages, and happily went out with me this week (you know who you are). I'm glad to have you guys around. You are a real blessing to me and thank you =) love you all! xoxo

my unspoken view

As most of you have heard, E is going back to S'pore this coming April. Some of you may wondered and have asked what is going to happen between us, if he goes back. Mean while, I have also received several comments, advice and critics from all parties. So here is what I really think.

Q: If E is going back to S'pore, what about you?

Me: We will have to go for LDR. Is not that we haven done it before. The first 6 months of our 3 years relationship, started on LDR. We decided to keep this relationship going despite our circumstances.

Q: That was 3 years ago, things have change isn't it? Your needs from 3 years ago may differ from what it is today.

Me: Yes, I agree and thank you for pointing it out. The reason why last summer of LDR was a bit rough may be a result of it, and I am not going to let it happen again. I will definitely talk to E about it and see what we can do about it.

Q: why can't you be more supportive about E going back to S'pore?

A: No matter what E decided to do, he'll always have me at his back. The thought that I am going to stop him from going back has never even crossed my mind. In fact, I have been trying to tell him that going back to S'pore isn't a bad idea at all. Just because E refuses to go back to S'pore, does not mean that is all due to my influences. He has a mind of his own, and I will never or be able to force him to do what he refuses to do.

Honestly, my view on E going back to S'pore, isn't exactly a bad idea at all. I think that is so much more better than the endless waiting and rejection that he has been going through here. Having said that, I will still hope. hope that he may actually find a decent job before he is forced to go back. Yes, I will definitely miss him, but that does not mean that I must have him by my side all the time. Is not good for the relationship, as well as for E himself. However, the fact that he can go back to his family and friends back home, is more than a good reason to go home. So stop telling me to be more supportive, when things are already so hard on us.

GLEE - Regionals "Get It Right" Full Performance

I am so angry right now. I am angry at him, but most of all, I am more angry with myself. I just can't believe this is happening to me. I can't believe that I led myself into this. I can't believe that I allow this to happen. I can't believe that I do not know how to take care of my heart. I can't believe that I am getting hurt again.

I am just feeling all emo now... Mean while, there is this song that I really like from Glee..

What have I done? I wish I could run
Away from this ship goin' under
Just tryin' to help, hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is
On my shoulders
What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

Can I start again with my faith shaken?
'Cause I can't go back and undo this
I just have to stay and face my mistakes
But if I get stronger and wiser
I'll get through this

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight
So I throw up my fist
I will punch in the air
And accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair
Yeah, I'll send out a wish
Yeah, I'll send up a prayer
And finally, someone will see
How much I care!

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?
When all that you touch tumbles down?
'Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things
I just wanna fix it somehow

But how many it times will it take?
Oh, how many times will it take for me?
To get it right
To get it ri-igh-ight

my mom has left the building

I know this maybe a little too late to post this up, since my mom was long gone for about 4 days by now. Having said that, I am still missing her to the bits. It hurts not to see her, sitting at the corner of the bench top (with her facebook game), every time I walked through the doors. yeah, my mom and her obsession in facebook's farmville. haha. It hurts too, not being able to see her every morning, making breakfast for me or to simply enjoy a meal with her. Now that she is gone, I am too lazy to make myself a good meal and also forced to have lunch alone. Though E is around, but it just feel different when you have your mom with you. I am sure that every one can relate to that. When mommy is around, we can be the most pampered child on earth.

I miss my mommy =(

Things that I do when my bf is not around

Went lunch with my girlfriend, catch up with the rest of the people I bumped into, take a power nap, shopping with mom and brother, fixed a shoe rack until 11pm =)

who says that you'll need a guy to fix a shoe rack, I did it all by myself ;)

job hunting

Oh my goodness! There are so many job vacancies back home! *excited* Honestly, this is the first time I have a good look at the market back home. I knew there are heaps of potential jobs for me to apply for back there, but not as much as I think it would be. Some of them even encourage fresh graduates! Mean while, the NZ market looks pretty gloomy to me. With every single vacancies posted online, nearly 99% of them requested an experienced applicant. Which I don't have. Sigh.

Oh man... Is this your sign to me, God? What about the PR that I dreamed to have?

waiting.punctuality.time

For all my friends who knew me, they would have know that I am a very punctual person. I like to reach a place earlier than the supposed meeting time, hence I would also expect others to do the same. "Is better to be early than to be late", a principal that my parent had brought me up with. Is a good thing to be brought up with, and it would definitely give a little bit of credit in my work attitudes in the future; but I believe that I too can get carried away with it at times.

I can seriously get mad at my friends (close one, that I am comfortable enough to show my discomfort with) for being late, for even about 5 minutes. Nasty? Yeah, I know I am. And is something that I have been trying to talk myself out of it for so long. I just find it hard to find a reason to explain to myself this: why set a time, when you cannot comply to it? Having said that, if that person has a good reason, that is totally way out of their control, I would totally accept it and be fine with it. It helps more, if the person could just give me a heads up that they may take a little longer than they expect it to be. So? Is it too much to ask for? Isn't this an ethical way of doing it, instead of letting your friends to wait aimlessly for you to arrive (while you are taking your own sweet time, or could have just get ready a little bit earlier OR stop lingering around facebook/youtube)

Unfortunately, life also taught me that not every one will behave or think like you do. Sometimes, you just have to take it as it is. But it still sucks. How I wish I could just scream at them and say this, "LOOK AT YOUR WATCH! YOU'RE SO FREAKING LATE! NO! IS NOT OKAY, NOW APOLOGIES!".

words of encouragement:

I found this wonderful piece of post entitled "Talk to me Abba" from one of the blog I have been following, and I would like to share this with all of you who need to hear from God. This is what God is desperate trying to tell you...

"You belong to me. I will fiercely protect you and guide you through every dark corridor. You are alive. You are free. Although you feel as though your wings have been clipped, it is a lie. Your wings have not been clipped. Listen to me. Your wings have not been clipped. The enemy has deluded you into the thinking that you are no longer capable of flight, but he is a liar. Don't ask me to regrow what I did not allow him to steal from you. Look, even now, and see the bold, brilliant wings I have given you. Quit sulking and prepare for flight. Do not gaze upon the lack of love from others who claim to speak in my name. Wrap yourself up in this love, my love. Love back. Heal. Forgive. Cry out. Burst forth. Do not deny me. Fly with depth and intensity...in the plenitude of my power."

from "Terribly Interesting" by Stephanie Cheery

STOP

you have to stop. stop making it easier for other people to invade my heart....

doubts

I had such a great time being back here with my family and close friends that I really doubt if going back to NZ will be the better decision... Hrmm...